Etiquette of a Righteous Husband
Whoever comes from a kind and compassionate background will have a tender heart and so such men must bear in mind that their wife is the one who gave birth to his children, takes care of his wealth and maintains his secrets. So be kind to your wives and openly express your joy, for smiling livens the heart and wipes away hatred, and praising the wife for her appearance, cooking and adornment wins her heart. Moreover, Islam has allowed husbands to lie to their wives in order to increase the love between them.
Exchanging gifts is the key to winning a heart and is a reflection of one’s love.
Being easy upon one’s wife, abandoning ambiguity and bad communication and arrogance are ways to achieve a lasting happy marital life.
‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
“A man should be like a child with his wife, happy and easy going, but when he sits with men, he should act as they do.”
Be an upright and straightforward man and your wife will thereby also improve and become more righteous, by the will of Allah.
Do not look at that which is unlawful for you to do so, because the evil consequences of this sin will impact upon your house. Watching women on satellite television causes one’s wife to appear ugly and unpleasant, and lowers one’s rank in her sight, which is a reason why hearts become distant and love diminishes, which in turn causes conflicts to emerge.
Deal with your wife as you would like her to deal with you in all areas, because it is natural that she would like you to be with her as you would like her to be with you.
Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
“I like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I would like her to beautify herself for me.”
Listen to your wife’s criticism with an open mind and heart because the wives of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would too discuss his opinions without him becoming angry.
Also a husband should not take from his wife’s wealth without her permission, because it belongs to her.
Treat her kindly and be generous with her and do not be stingy; remember that your wife likes to talk to you regarding all her affairs, so be attentive and listen to her; indeed this is a reflection of perfect manners.
Never go home with a gloomy face because your children need to clearly see your love and sympathy; be kind to your children and make them enjoy your presence, guidance and instructions and always listen to them. Whenever the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would see Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, he would say:
“Welcome, O my daughter!”
Then he would seat her to his right or left.
Being kind to the members of one’s household reflects real manhood, as Al-Baraa’, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
“I entered upon Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, in his house; he saw his daughter ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, lying down with a fever, so Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, kissed her on the cheek and asked: ‘How are you feeling my daughter?’”
Helping at home is a sign of ones faithfulness; ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, was asked what the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would do while at home, she replied,
‘He was just like any other human being, he would sew his garment, milk the sheep and serve himself.’
Being generous with ones family is the best charity that one can give and time spent with ones friends should not be at the expense of that with ones family, for they are worthier to spend ones time with.
Never remind your wife with mistakes that she may have made, nor hint about her shortcomings.
Conceal your problems from the children because it has a negative affect on them and reduces the respect they have towards their parents.
Anger is the cause of all disputes, and the relation between a man and his wife is far too valuable to ruin in a moment of anger; remain silent whenever you become upset and remember that forgiveness is closer to piety and wisdom.
‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
“Women should be kept at home and their anger dealt with by remaining quiet.”
The rights of the wife are great and only a noble man will fully honour his wife and respect her.
‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
“The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would always mention Khadeejah, and he would always slaughter sheep, divide them, and then distribute it among her friends, He did this so much that I once said to him: ‘You act as though there are no other women apart from Khadeejah’”